I have felt a little out of sorts over this last week. I have been back at work for a few weeks now and am certainly missing the languid days of lockdown, where life was leisurely and I could decide how much or how little I wanted to do each day.
There was no rustling around in the dark in the early mornings and heading out the door before daylight. No traffic or other people woes, nothing too taxing for the mind to worry about and certainly no mid-afternoon naps.
It is true that I have had to be more mindful of my energy stores, ensuring that every day includes nourishing, healthy food and some gentle exercise. But until now, I have been able to maintain a steady state of positivity and sense of well-being.
I’m not sure what has been different about the last week. I have felt niggly, anxious and altogether discombobulated (a most fabulous word don’t you think?). I have had passing feelings of sadness and have found myself worrying and feeling tense.
Life is never perfect, for anyone. I worry about my husband, who lost his job before the pandemic at a time when jobs are simply not being advertised and unemployment is set to skyrocket. I worry about my parents, who are elderly and becoming more frail by the day. I worry about my kids and my dog and all of things that I want to do but never seem to have the time and energy to tackle.
After a few days of this, I had a kind, but firm word with myself. There is much that keeps my mind spinning out of control, that is actually outside of my ability to change. So why worry? It is a pointless exercise.
I know that feelings come from thoughts, so it is time perhaps to overhaul my thinking.
I often find that the key to promoting better feelings is to focus on what I am grateful for. So rather than get upset that my husband is out of a job, I can feel grateful that I still have employment and we can still live comfortably by being a little more careful with our money.
I am grateful that my family are all in good health, that our grown up daughter is coming to stay with us for a couple of nights because she enjoys the company of her parents. That is something to be truly grateful for when so many parents live far away from their children or have a fractured relationship with them. I am grateful that I have a warm, cosy house now that the weather is becoming more wintry and I am fortunate that my cupboards are full. I am in fact, truly blessed.
It is so easy to find in life what you expect to find. If you expect to find yourself in a place of lack, then you will find yourself wanting. If you expect to find yourself in a place of bounty, then your cup will invariably runneth over.
Have you noticed that if you go out with a smile on your face, that you receive the warmth of the smiles of the strangers you pass in the street? And that the opposite happens if you wear a scowl.
I like to practice expecting to find beauty where you would least expect it. And I am rarely disappointed.
Whilst I was in my mental funk I made myself put on my rose tinted glasses and went to my local high street. There is typically nothing there too aesthetically pleasing, aside from a few artful window displays, so I was thrilled to find a single tree bedecked by some colourful soul with big beautiful pom poms. It was so out of place and so joyful, it made my day.
And so, having had a quiet work with myself, I will continue to focus only on the good, the positive and the beautiful and be sure in the knowledge that wonderful things will happen.
Quietly Quaintrelle 