Author: jacquixox

It hasn’t escaped my notice that so many of my posts seem to feature food.

In my defence, I have never had so much time to spend in the kitchen as I have had over the last week or so.

Aside from the evening meal, there is no requirement for me to be cooking up a storm, and I have 101 other things that are calling out to me.   I have knitting and sewing projects, online learning, courses I have subscribed to,  genealogy research, gardening, sorting photos, so many delicious books waiting to be read – the list goes on and on.

So why do I keep finding myself tending the stove and oven?

I thought about this for a while today, and came to the following conclusions.

I cook as an expression of love.   There is only my husband and me in my bubble at the moment, but who better to spend time on delivering something delicious and from the heart, than the most important person in my life?  To nourish those that you love – there is no greater pleasure.

I cook for reasons of frugality.   Today I made a scrumptious (if I do say so myself) apple and cinnamon cake, which we enjoyed with a big dollop of Greek yoghurt for afternoon tea.   The reason that I made said cake was as a consequence of the huge and lonely apple I found on my apple tree.  It wasn’t pretty to look at, it was too big to eat as a snack, so the obvious solution was to cook it into a cake.  Waste not, want not.

I cook as an expression of creativity.   The alchemy of bringing ingredients together and particularly when I am not adhering closely to a recipe, using whatever ingredients I have at hand, is such a satisfying exercise in creativity.   You sometimes never quite know what dish you will end up with, but the combination of skill and intuition employed when it results in a tasty outcome gives me such a buzz.

I cook as a meditation.   To knead a loaf, to peel an apple, to stir a pot, to finely chop vegetables – all can be exercises in mindfulness.   When I am in the zone, and have the time to fully immerse myself, there really is nothing more relaxing than cooking.   I cook to maintain a personal connection with my past – nothing takes me back to my childhood and learning at my mother’s side as effortlessly as creaming a bowl of butter and sugar.

I cook because this is the greatest of all homely expressions.   The smell of a roast wafting through the house, the belly hug that is apple crumble and cream, the spicy symbolism of hot cross buns and the excited laughter of children when presented with a big bowl of warm, buttery popcorn.  

What possibly could be more hygge?

In this uncertain time that we currently find ourselves in, I take some comfort in the fact that whatever happens I will be ready to face it.   While there are days when I feel a little flat, I am at heart an optimist and have confidence in my ability to get through whatever life throws my way.

I don’t know about you, but as a natural ruminator, I have always imagined the worst case scenario before we ever get anywhere close to this, and most times of course,  the worst case never eventuates.

Even so, I like to be prepared, practically and mentally.

We live in New Zealand, affectionately referred to by some as ‘the shaky isles’ and the city in which I reside is always at risk of being hit by a major earthquake.   You do learn to live with the occasional rocking and rolling that generally does not result in any damage, but you never know when the big one will hit.

So, like many citizens of this land, we have emergency water and supplies to tide us through a major shake.  Funnily enough, while we never once dreamed that an emergency could ever end up looking like the one we are currently living through, it is comforting to know that we have hand sanitiser and face masks in our emergency kit if we need them.

I am sure that I have mentioned before that at any time, I need the security of plenty of food in my cupboards.   Bean soup may not be so appetising if you had to eat it three times a week, but the fact that I could keep my family alive if there was no access to a shop to is a fundamental need of mine.   So there is always plenty of dried beans, rice, flour, pasta, tinned food and any number of condiments in the pantry. 

We have a small garden, but I take great pleasure in each modest harvest, be it vegetables or plums from our tree.

I like the idea of self sufficiency and frugality.    I have been alarmed at the rampant commercialism that I have seen grow out of control over my lifetime.   I do like nice things, I will not lie, but the scale and volume of what is available to buy, the resultant waste and the impact on the environment does not sit well with me.

And so I am relishing the fact that the stores are all closed.   It has opened my eyes to the fact that I often buy things that I don’t really need.   The act of not buying at this present time feels strangely liberating.  

I have taken the opportunity of this time at home to critically look at my possessions and this has resulted in a whirlwind of ‘Marie Kondo’, casting out so many bags of items that no longer ‘spark joy’.  I can walk into my wardrobe now and actually see what is there, and know that what I can see, I actually like, it fits and it suits me.  Again, so liberating.

I am sure that I am not the only woman in the world conducting an inventory of their home environment during this extraordinary time in our history.   Revisiting our priorities, working out the bare essentials (and necessary luxuries) we need to sustain life, how we best nurture those we love, how we express our authenticity and feminine selves – without the distraction and influence of the outside world.

There is finally some time to breathe the air and clarity, to know within ourselves, what we need and don’t need in order to live well.

Today has been a little slow off the mark.   Whilst I have done what I need to retain membership of civilised society, I have felt lacking in focus and generally lacklustre.    

I noticed that I was a little kinder to myself in this situation that I normally am.   Today it was ok to move more slowly, to potter, to start a task and not finish it and to amble through the day without real focus.   It was ok. 

There is a time and season for everything under the sun and today it was the time for indolence and pandering to the craving for creature comforts.

At times like these, to nurture and nourish is the order of the day.

Comfy clothes with no cinching at the waist.

A few minutes sitting on the step with the sun on my face.

Clean sheets on the bed.

Quiet time lounging with my dog.

A few gentle stretches.

A hot cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit.

A gentle potter in the kitchen with the easiest recipe in the world.   As well as the most divine and cosy smell throughout the house, this endeavour delivered a delicious ‘Lockdown Loaf’.   A beer bread dough, dotted with red onion and paprika, sprinkled with cheese and sloshed with olive oil before baking until golden.

A thick slice, warm and slathered with butter and a thin slice of cheese was as satisfying as a bear hug.

An afternoon idled away with a classic book.   I am reading ‘The Bell Jar’ by Sylvia Plath.   It is not a happy read, but that’s ok too on a day like today.   Like a sad song, it resonates with me better than anything upbeat would do.   Feeling a little melancholy is a fitting match to my current state of lethargy.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring?  It may be that I need to take a gentle approach as I have today, or it may be a day of industrious energy.

Whatever the day delivers, I will be listening to my inner self and making sure that even though there will invariably be must-do activities, my mood and energy will inform how I go about these.

To ensure that I don’t waste the unexpected gift of time at home, I am compiling a list of all of those niggly little jobs that have been bugging me for ages.   Sometimes for years.

The thought of heading back to work in a few weeks time with all of these overdue tasks completed gives me a feeling of anticipatory pleasure.

I have started to tackle jobs on my list and one of these was to finish painting the skirting boards in a room that was renovated over two years ago.  Two years!

I had everything I needed, the paint, the brushes, the tape, just no motivation.

I have just completed this task and it looks great.   No paint was spilt or brushed anywhere that it shouldn’t have been.

The whole job probably took me a maximum of half an hour. That’s correct, I had procrastinated over completing a task that took me 30 minutes from start to finish, for two years!

So I have been contemplating today about the weight of procrastination.  Things that have irritated me for so long and the effort I have put into coming up with excuses about how now wasn’t the right time to tackle what needed to be done, have been weighty stones that I have been carrying around.

There are other examples.   The buttons that I didn’t sew on my European pillow cases for about a year.   A five minute job to remedy.

The hem that needed stitching, the drawer full of junk that needed clearing, sorting and compiling all of my childrens’ school art, reports and other mementoes into tidy memory boxes.

All of these things have taken only minutes to fix.

Working through my list of outstanding jobs feels so good.   It is liberating and energising being freed from these self-imposed obligations.

I am excited at the prospect of ticking even more tasks off my list.   Because I never intended to be at home over this period of lockdown, there has never been a better opportunity for me to make my home a peaceful and restful sanctuary. I can tackle overdue tasks by meeting them without resistance and as a contemplative exercise of honouring my home.

I hope that the lesson that I have served up to myself here will change how I approach niggly little jobs in the future.  A real call to action to fix, mend, tidy or whatever the requirement is at the time I notice it, as quickly as possible to restore calm and peace of mind.

More than likely whatever needs to be done will be done in a jiffy. The discomfit of procrastination and the energy it takes to maintain it, is so unnecessary.

Sunday.  But not like any other Sunday I guess, because every day is like Sunday at the moment. 

Sunday has a special status.  The last day of the week, a day of rest, a day to settle affairs ready to embark on a new week, a day for family and for leisure.

Well every day is like that at the moment, (except for the spending time with family part) but today did feel different.

I am instilling a regular regime each day to ensure that there is enough structure that I stay on the path of moving in a positive direction, as opposed to beaching myself on the couch with my mood heading downward.   But I had already decided in advance that Sunday would be a day off.

A whole delicious day to do whatever I wanted.  I have been free to read all day, or watch tv or to lose myself in some crafty activity, but none of that has happened.

I settled down to read, but could not maintain concentration.   I can’t say why I felt so distracted today and unable to settle on any leisurely activity. But I found my solace and purpose eventually, in the kitchen.

Someone once said that anything that you do mindfully can be a meditation.  And so it was for me amongst the pots and pans.  Slicing fruit and vegetables and washing the dishes as I go is as relaxing as a massage when I am in the mood to cook.

There is plenty of food in the house that could be thrown together as a meal in pretty short order, and there are only two of us in the house to accommodate.   But today, I felt the need to cook up a storm.

I spied some apples that were close to the end of their life and resurrected them in an apple and boysenberry crisp for dessert.  Apple and cinnamon combined is what I imagine heaven smells like, and so I enjoyed it along with the angels.

I felt the urge to create something rib-sticking, nourishing and from the heart, so pulled out the slow-cooker.   I soaked a medley of dried beans, (having lots of dried beans in the pantry makes me feel like others do when they have a lot of money in the bank, I suspect) and cooked up some onion, celery, garlic, cumin, chilli and chipotle peppers.   I placed this in the slow-cooker with tomatoes and the rinsed beans and sat back to wait for the magic to happen.

While the chipotle beans were bubbling away I turned my hand to crafting a homemade pizza with all of the toppings for dinner.

Just having something nutritious at hand, ready to dish up to quell hunger or just to give a hug on the inside is a great source of comfort for me.

So what was today all about?  Well I was being practical, I got to use perishable ingredients before the end of their shelf life.    I also made sure that we will be well fed, not just today but in the days ahead. 

But what was it really about?   I think perhaps it was about security.  Cooking food using methods and ingredients that I used at my mother’s side when I was young.   Preparing dishes that women have been nourishing their families with for generations.  And taking care of the necessities of life when so much else is out of control.  Just doing what I can do, within my wee bubble, to sustain life, to keep a sense of balance and to reaffirm that whatever happens in the world outside, peace and order will always reign in the kitchen.

I think I might be starting to enjoy lockdown life a little too much.  Everything is peachy inside my bubble and I have adjusted to the state of isolation like a duck to water.  I do feel a sense of unease at the climbing statistics of people becoming sick and dying around the world, but all any of us can do at the present time is to follow the direction we have been given.  And that is, if there is no genuine reason for anyone to be outside of their home or local area, then they should stay inside.  It is the only thing that will save lives.

I know that being confined to home will be making some people stir crazy, but not me.  Although I wish more than I can say that this crisis had never hit the world, it has pretty much delivered to me my ideal life.

I work in order to live, and unfortunately, as much as I would like, I can’t work from home.

Whilst I am not at work, although busy with all of the things I have always wanted to do if I had time, I am no longer time poor.    I have time to read, to write, to learn, to organise, to dream, to plan and to potter.

Weekends are normally a whirlwind of household chores, shopping and preparing for the week ahead, with a few pockets of leisure time with others.

It is such a gift to enjoy the weekend just doing whatever we want to do without feeling that we have to watch the clock or churn through a bunch of chores before we feel entitled to some down time.

Today was quite lovely in its uneventfulness.  The highlights were reading an old Agatha Christie novel with my morning coffee, walking the dog in between rain showers, enjoying some quality family time on a video call and whipping up a batch of scones, enjoyed warm with blueberry and bourbon jam and cream.  All so very hygge.

Being at home has reinforced how much I have missed solitude.  Time to lose myself in a book, to leisurely trawl through my favourite blogs, to take a soak in the bath or to indulge my domestic heart in my very own bubble.  And I have been indulging.

I am lucky that my husband has his own interests that we can happily co-exist with each of us doing our own thing, catching up every now and then and at the end of the day to spend cosy evenings together.

It is clear to me that I need to do some deliberate rethinking of my life when things get back to ‘normal’ to allow for weekends as relaxed as this one is turning out to be.

So today was the first day of official lockdown and it was a day of planning and activity as I had intended. In order to keep myself honest, I have set up an online calendar and scheduled my daily run/walk, dog walk and weights programme.  I am pleased to say that I completed all three activities today.

All in all it has been a busy day.   Another session of gardening, keeping in touch with family and work colleagues and organising my learning and self-development resources for the days and weeks ahead.

I don’t know if I am alone in this, but I am a magpie when it comes to self-development online courses.   I buy them and usually start them, but very rarely finish them.   It is not that I lose interest, but as I am generally time poor outside of work and commuting each day, everything I want to do is generally greater than the free time available to me.

Whilst I do spend a lot of time at work and on the motorway (approximately 10 hours each work day), I do know that I waste a lot of time on things that don’t serve me.   Mindless hours of surfing the internet?   Guilty as charged!

Hopefully the positive habits I develop over the next little while will be maintained when life gets back to normal.

So, I have decided that each day I will dedicate time, not to Facebook or Instagram, but to catching up on the blogs that I enjoy and on the online programmes I have waiting to be completed.

I have a delicious course on homemaking from Alison May’s ‘Brocante Home’ Salon, a couple of courses on how to live elegantly and with ease from the fabulous Tonya Leigh’s ‘French Kiss Life’ and a course to enrich my soul by Deepak Chopra.   I can’t wait to start and complete them all!

I am so looking forward with happy anticipation to the learnings ahead.   I am also mindful of the learnings I have benefited from in the past and am well overdue a refresher.  So I have spent some time reviewing my collection of well loved books that have nurtured my heart, mind and spirit over the years.    I have always been a sucker for self-development.    I remember that when I won a book voucher as a prize at school when I was 16, I bought the book Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, when all of my friends were reading romance or had given reading away.  Weird kid that I was.

Anyway, when reviewing my bookshelf, I came across an old favourite ‘Shelter for the Spirit – Create Your Own Haven in a Hectic World’ by Victoria Moran.   I probably read this book about 20 years ago, but it seems the perfect choice for a reread.  

I spend so much time out of my home, it is such a rare pleasure to spend so much time at home rediscovering the treasures in it.   I am very mindful of lives being lost around the world (the reason we are all homebound) and also that the living situation for many in their homes is challenging.

I am extremely lucky, and am so grateful for that.   As well as having a safe and comfortable home, I have the knowledge that all I love are safe and well.  If I never had anything more, it would be enough.

Today was the first day that we didn’t go anywhere at all.   The enforced lockdown commences at 1159 pm tonight, but we didn’t need to buy anything, so made the decision to stay put.

The current situation still feels very surreal, but I expect we will all adjust over the next few days and will find our new rhythm.

Today, I have been thinking about creating daily routines, to ensure that healthy habits are maintained and to ensure a degree of order, not only in my home, but also in my head.

Even though we are homebound, there are so many things I am able to do.   It is as if I have been given a gift of time and I am keen that I don’t squander this.

I have been compiling a list of things to do that will make a positive difference in the quality of my life and environment.  Let’s face it, it would be so easy to settle in to binge read or watch Netflix for hours each day, watch the news compulsively or surf the internet.

From my list, I have built a basic framework of everyday must dos.  I feel so much happier when I have some structure in my life and I think that this is what will keep me healthy and sane over the next few weeks.

So, starting today, I will be running/walking around the block where I live.  This loop is 3.4 km, which I can comfortably run when on the treadmill in the gym, is steep in places, so will keep me physically challenged.

Another non-negotiable activity is walking my dog each day.  Again, just from my door, up the hill and back again.

These two activities will keep me fit, and limit the risk of becoming stir crazy.  Fresh air and sunshine are also so, so good for the soul. 😊

Regular family video calls to my grown up children and their families will also be a pillar of my new existence.  It will be hard not seeing them in the flesh until goodness knows when, but we will likely be speaking with them even more frequently than we normally do, so that’s a bonus.

Drinking water is another habit that I want to maintain.  I have found an old glass carafe for this purpose, and will serve my water infused with slices of lemon or oranges to make hydration a more elegant ritual.

Whilst not fixed in the daily calendar, I am taking the opportunity to shower my home with some well overdue TLC.   I intend going through every cupboard, closet and drawer to purge, clean and streamline.  I have already tackled a couple of areas that hadn’t been sorted for years.  It feels so good having them ship-shape again.   I have a few DIY jobs planned too.  Minor paint fix-ups and such like.  The sense of achievement will be huge when all of these little niggly little jobs get ticked off the list.

Today I took full advantage of the weather and did a spot of gardening.  A little every now and then will have my garden looking spick and span in no time.   There is little flowering out there at the moment, but I was able to rescue some straggly stems of hebe to bring inside to add a little splash of prettiness.

There is so much else on my list of things I want to do during this isolation period.  I have some sewing and knitting projects that I am looking forward to tackling, a swag of books on my kindle and genealogy research to undertake.

I have the luxury of time to take up some new learning, meditate, work up a weights exercise programme, teach myself to crochet or try out some new recipes.

The feel good factor of today was placing teddy bears in our street facing windows for littlies out for bear hunting walks around the neighbourhood with their families, on their brief daily outing.   Out of the dreadful reality of this pandemic we are living through, the community coming together in such a way is such a bright beacon.

It is our connection with others that matters most ultimately.

What extraordinary times we find ourselves in.   The world as we know it has been tipped on its axis in just a few short weeks.  This weekend, in response to the growing Covid-19 threat, my government (in NZ) has introduced new restrictions that will have a significant impact on all of our lives.

There are now bans on large gatherings, many public venues are closed until further notice, anyone over 70 must stay at home and the working population has been encouraged to work at home if they can.   Social distancing is now a fact of life.

It is so easy to feel overwhelmed by the devastating fallout of this virus that has swept throughout the world.

I have found myself feeling anxious and distracted, found it hard to sleep or keep from compulsively checking the news and social media to check on developments.

So, it is time I think to stop, take stock, ensure that I am doing everything that I should and nothing that I shouldn’t and then, without resistance, settle in to the new normal.

I am a homebody and a nest maker of old.   I don’t need to think about stocking my larder.   Provisions are always in a state of plenty in my home.  I am my mother’s daughter.  Mum was a child in WW2 and grew up in a time of making the most of very little and with a waste not, want not mentality.   It is comforting to know that along with the skills she passed on to me, and the confidence to make a meal from a few base ingredients, I also have jars of the fruit and vegetables she has preserved in recent months.

As well as being a practical and nourishing gift, it is testament to the homespun wisdom and skill of our mothers and grandmothers who in times of plenty made sure that there was always something on the table when things got lean.

In a world that has become so commercialised and geared towards instant gratification, the directive that has now been given to the population to stay at home and away from the shops has been a call to arms for my inner homemaker.

There will be no heading out for a coffee or weekend brunch, but this does not mean that we need to feel deprived.  Our homemade brunch on the weekend of waffles, caramalised bananas and pistachio nuts was as nice as any fancy pants café breakfast at a quarter of the cost.

We now have at least a month ahead of staying put at home.  This is without a doubt, a difficult and let’s face it, truly dreadful time for some.  My personal challenges over this time are negligible compared to many.   My husband was recently made redundant and will have no chance of finding employment over the next wee while.  I have just learnt that I need to have a root canal procedure to cure a sore tooth – and that can’t happen any time soon.

Regardless, I will continue to be paid during this period of isolation and will keep my job.  My family are healthy and there is plenty of food in the cupboards and a nice home to enjoy.  So, I am determined to search out the positives over the next weeks and to use the time that has been gifted to me wisely.

I hope you will join me on my journey.

I love that time in the very early part of the year, where thoughts turn to resolving that with careful management, this will be the best year yet. Where, in lazy summer’s days (I live in the southern hemisphere), I have time to dip into a hoarded library of books devoted to creating a modest, but rich existence in tune with the principles of harmony, simplicity and style. It is a time for purchasing pristine new diaries, journals and other notebooks that will help to capture everything that needs capturing and setting out some gentle rules and routines that if adhered to will ensure a life well lived.

Of great excitement this New Year is the arrival of the book ordered before Christmas that I have been waiting for, not too patiently. I bought the original version of this book over 20 years ago now and it has been the blueprint that I have used to overlay my life since that time. I am so excited to be able to reacquaint myself with a very dear old friend, who has emerged fresher and even more relevant for the world that has changed so much since she first appeared. The book of course is Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

The lessons of Gratitude, Simplicity, Order, Harmony, Beauty and Joy await for me in these pages and Simple Abundance will be my primary guide over the next 12 months.

I don’t know about you, but I can so easily become paralysed by overwhelm when I attempt to plan my days, capture my daily musings, compile the lists of things to be done or remembered.

This year, my mantra is simple. By keeping the must dos to a minimum and the daily routines simple and easily doable, I am setting myself up for success – fingers crossed.

There is much to be done this year.